apparently i have some wicked issues haha.
i cant make up my god damn mind about how i feel about jimmy.
better yet how i choose to feel about jimmy.
the second i start to feel a little rejection coming on i try and back off and i get all cranky.
im over reacting like usual. i cant help it. i cant handle the rejection right now.
i mean like i cant even begin to discuss whats wrong with me mentally right now.
im super stressed out about money and school right now.
not to mention im juts feeling pretty depressed and down lately. personally i think its the weed.
but either way like my personal body image is at an all time low.
and honestly its because im getting involved with jimmy.
why? you ask because hes skinny as fuck. he wears a size 2 pants.
hes very little, where as i wear a size 8. so my ass is much larger then him haha.
what a weird thing to think about.. but i do. i dont want to be fat or get fat.

so Jimmys been talking t me more, since i complained and i like that.
i dont like that i had to complain, but i mean i guess i dont know how else he would know that i wasnt happy with the way things were going. i want to make something out of this damn it! i want to be his girlfriend! but i never spend enough time with him to really get to know him. i have so many quetions in  my head about him. i want to know what his ex girlfriends were like. i know they were hot little tarts. which i am neither. but i know im smarter and cooler then them hahah. thats a retarded thing to say but...Jess was two years below me and Paige was three years below me. so ive established that im way better then them anyways. but id still like to know about them only because i dont get jimmy. i dont know why he thinks its ok to just not talk to me for a week. and i just kinda want to know how he treats girls, the girls hes interested in. cause i get nothing but mixed "signals"

im doing my best to not think about this too much, which is nearly impossible. but i do remember me saying this summer that i didnt want a relationship, i just wanted someone i could have fun with and just chill with. which is EXACTLY what im getting with jimmy right now. it took me two months to figure that out. so i have exactly what i want right now. so i should just be happy with that right? im going to try...

i know im going to be seeing him today, and tomorrow, and thursday possibly and definitely on friday. today and tomorrow are wamba practices, thursday is thanksgiving and i guess hes having people over to drink and eat left overs haha and friday is the Black Friday Wamba "blow out" show. which means good music and alot fo alcohol. so i mean, something always happens bewteen me and jimmy when were under the influence. which is lame. only because thats the only time hes ever super friendly.

i cant lie, i feel like ive pretty much lost interest in jimmy, even though im spending all this time worrying about him, i just dont see anything happening between us. i dont feel the spark anymore. im pretty much just trying to try. im lame and stupid i know. but if he can turn this around maybe i will be interested again. i dont want to not feel  anything for him anymore, which is why im still trying. i just got myself so worked up and stressed out over some little things and it wore me down. im dumb i know.

lets hope today goes nice. cause i miss his stupid face. and i know he misses me too. that fucker.